Going Without
by MaskedScissorDoll
Summary: When Lilly's worst case scenario becomes a reality, Miley, Oliver, and Jackson have a lot to lose. The question is, what can they live without? Moliver, past Loliver, Lackson. Rated M for drug use and violence. Chapter 4 is up.
1. Without Her

Miley Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

It's funny how a few months work their magic on our lives. The difference between spring and summer may not seem like much, but the transition has an effect on people. My name is Miley, and I need therapy.

Let me explain. I have a really awesome life. I'm only 17, and I have a great career started. I can go to whatever college I want, or, I can not go. That's the kind of money I'm talking about. I have two amazing best friends. I have a great dad. I have a brother. But other than my brother Jackson, everything about my life was perfect. Everyone I cared about got along great, and I felt very happy to wake up every morning.

Then, about six months ago, I returned home from a certain business opportunity only to find my two amazing best friends had become an item while I was gone. And everybody knew about it but me. That kind of hurt, as you can imagine. What kind of best friends hook up and don't tell you about it?

I confronted them, of course, and everything was okay for a while. By okay I mean they bickered a lot, but they'd always done that, so it seemed normal. For them. But it kept getting worse as time went on. By the time it was over, they had broken up and gotten back together three times, all three times I was instrumental in keeping them from giving up and/or killing each other.

Finally, it became clear they couldn't handle one another anymore, and their relationship dissolved.

It didn't help that Lilly met another guy. I felt pretty bad about introducing them, but for the record, I hadn't found the sk8ter boi attractive, so I had no reason to believe she would. The man was 19 and missing crucial teeth due to several rail-grinding related accidents. I think this only served to impress her further, which isn't necessarily a testimony to the intelligence of either person.

Regardless, the days of Ollipop and Lilipop were over, and the days of Ripper and Tourniquet Truscott had begun. I strongly suspected that this was a backlash against the mushiness they'd shown one another, but regardless, Lilly's wild stage was in full swing, and it had come to the point that she nearly stopped speaking to me altogether.

It's not even like she was angry. If she were angry, it would have been great, because that would mean that there was something broken to fix. Instead, she just sort of floated out of Old Lillyworld and into New Lillyworld, which had a waterslide where people were known to drown.

She invited me to a party one time, and in my naïveté, I went. I looked in the door and didn't like what I saw. I told her I had forgotten something my daddy asked me to do and went home.

She lost interest in all the things we had in common. Her clothing became edgier and more ragged, she started smelling like weed, and after a while, we both kind of stopped trying. In my mind, she never stopped being my friend, but she did stop being Lilly. I still called her from time to time, but she was always busy, and half the time she was drunk.

The last time I had seen her was at a party held in honor of her G.E.D. She'd dropped out of school, and was on the fast track to McSuccess. Oliver and I sat alone at the end of the table. I think I saw him cry a little.

So, that left me with Oliver "Smokin" Oken, who as it turned out has a strong aversion to all things that can be smoked. I think were it not for the way things were going for her after they stopped dating, they might have stayed friends.

Instead, she distanced herself from both of us. She stopped hanging out at the beach except for late night bonfires, and she wouldn't be caught dead at Rico's. She spent all her time at Ripper's trailer, and we knew better than to ask what she was doing there. The answer would most certainly have involved drugs. She had several favorites. One of them was meth.

So, Oliver was the one who came to all my shows, and Oliver was the one who came to my birthday dinner. Even though he was in incredible pain, he went out of his way to keep me from falling apart.

And after many summer days at the beach, I began to feel like maybe things could be okay again without her. Sure, I was down my best and only girl bud, but at least I still had Ollie to help me through.

But then I got a phone call, and suddenly I was sure nothing could be okay without her.

* * *

Oliver Oken, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

I feel really guilty about the arguing. I felt bad about it then, but I really, really feel bad about it now. Not all of it was my fault; she did her share of hair pulling, toe stomping, and ear dragging. But I would have been more tolerant if I were a better man. I would have let her push me around; I would have let her keep me down, if that's what it took to keep her from this.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go back and do things differently if I could. She was no good for me, and I was no good for her. But I still remember every word, I still remember every fight. The good times are a little fuzzier.

My name is Oliver, and my ex girlfriend's life is a mess.

She was in the hospital. Her arms were full of holes and her eyes were bloodshot and she was addicted to things I'd never heard of. She didn't OD, thank God, although this could have been considered worse.

Her mother thought it would be good for her if some of her old friends visited, so she called me. She told me she felt like Lilly would need us when she woke up. Lilly's mom was seeking a restraining order against Ripper, which was hard because they didn't know where he was or what his legal name was. Looks like Tourniquet didn't have many heart to heart conversations with her mother.

I called Miley. Miley, Jackson, and I all came to see her together. She looked awful. Her hair was stringy, her skin was nearly translucent, and her face was bruised.

"How long has she been out like this?" Miley asked.

"Since last night," Lilly's tired mother replied. "Would you kids mind staying with her for about ten minutes? I need some air."

We agreed silently, and she went away, her steps tired and weak.

That left four of us. The ex boyfriend, the best friend, the girl in question, and a person I'm not even sure she ever liked. Miley pointed out, "Her vote don't count, she's in a coma."

"Well, Lilly," Jackson said, "What are we going to do with you?"

"There's nothing to be done, not by us anyway. Alls we can do is wait and hope," Miley said, taking a seat by Lilly's side.

I walked past the hospital bed to the window and looked out into the courtyard, but I can't say that I noticed anything out there.

Yesterday it seemed like Lilly was so far away, and now, once again, she was the elephant in the room. Was there something more I could have done? Did Miley and I neglect her? Should I have tried to save her from him?

I told myself there was nothing I could do, but maybe there was just nothing I wanted to do. Maybe I was being petty before. Maybe I thought just because our relationship was over, she wasn't my problem anymore.

I should have called her that night; I should have called her every night. I was supposed to be her friend. She was abandoned and forsaken, which is betrayal enough.

I was too focused on Miley. I just felt like things between us were changing, that we were growing together. I felt like she and I could have something that might last. The three of us had secrets to keep together, but it became just me and Miley. I wish I could regret it. I wish I could say I don't love her, but I do. I didn't before.

There was a part of her that I'd always found attractive, but we'd gone over that and it was nothing. The part of her I thought I loved wasn't the part of her I should have loved.

Well, I loved her, but it was a friendly kind of love. It wasn't mushy, just empathetic. We understood each other.

But after it all, we knew each other, which is different. I could see myself going through college with her picture in my wallet. I could see myself proposing to her. I could almost see our children's faces when she smiled.

And then Lilly was still on a metal bed, and I wondered if I did the right thing, letting him have her. Not because I loved her, but because she deserved so much better than this. She could have died, and while it was happening, Miley and I were having a picnic on the beach. I don't think Miley knows I almost kissed her.

* * *

Jackson Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

I'd been holding that teddy bear for an hour, and I didn't mind. I needed to hold something, it made me feel like I had a reason to be there. I'd always felt unworthy of being near her, even before she started getting sick. And by sick I mean brain sick, not just her body. Not that I'd been looking at her body, you understand.

She was my sister Miley's bud, outside of Oken. I felt out of place talking to her. We had a quiet thing going. The kind of thing where there isn't a thing.

Either way, I liked being around her, if only in small quantities. She'd come down to Rico's and order a drink, and I'd smile at her and ask her how she was.

She stopped coming to Rico's a while ago. I can't help but assume this man had a hand in that. He had a hand in a lot of things. One of them was her face.

I don't think things would have changed if I'd been frank and told her what I thought, but I still wish I had. Maybe she would have felt better. Maybe she would have realized how pretty she was and left him for somebody better.

I think she liked the danger. I think she wanted to feel like there was someone who cared enough to hit her. Her mother didn't care enough to put her foot down, maybe she thought it'd be good to have someone who would.

She looked like she was dreaming in her bed. I hoped in her dreams she didn't know him. I hoped in her dreams she was still a high school girl, and Okem and Miley loved her, and she was happy. That's how it was in mine.

* * *

Miley Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

So, there was Lilly, trying the vegetable act on. I wondered what he'd hit her with, and where on her head the blow had landed. Not that I would have been able to tell what that would mean for her. Just morbid curiosity I guess.

The doctors thought she'd wake up in a few days, and then her mother was sending her to rehab.

'Do I want to know her when she gets back?' I asked myself, and I didn't know the answer.

It's not that I wanted to let her go. I never wanted to let her go again. But I was scared. What will she be like in the end? What kind of woman will she be? Will she go back to him? Will she be able to go without the drugs?

If she wants to go back to him, will I let her go? Can I live without her now?

The questions kept coming, and I had no answers. The one I always went to for advice was sleeping, and even if she weren't, the questions wouldn't suit her.

I don't pray a lot. I don't go to church every Sunday. I've been known to break a couple of commandments. I lie. I don't do right by my dad. But I would have prayed to any god who'd listen, if it would bring my Lilly back.

Lilly's mother came back in, and the nurses wanted us to leave so they could run some tests, so the three of us went home without her.

I felt like I was going to die. Oliver looked sick. Jackson forgot to leave the teddy bear. We were all a wreck. Daddy made us dinner, and we talked about the future.

None of us felt optimistic.

"How long do you think we can keep her away from him?" I asked.

"Ain't no force alive that can keep her from him if she sets her mind to go back," my daddy said. "I seen women go back to worse than hell, and I can tell you, wild horses couldn't drag them off."

"Then what can we do?" Oliver asked, frowning deeply.

"Listen," Daddy told us, "Listen to her, and let her be the one to decide she had enough. You can encourage her, but you can't just lock her up to keep her safe."

I shook my head. "It's not enough!" I said, overcome by fear for my friend.

"It's never enough. That's what got her into this situation in the first place," was all he said.

And that was it. Mostly we didn't eat. We sure didn't talk much. We'd all had our fill, although not of what we would have hoped for.

I stole a glance at Oliver. He was stirring his mashed potatoes from one side of his plate to another. I wanted to ask him to go walk on the beach with me, but the room was so quiet I was afraid to disrupt the silence.

And it was through the silence the ringing came.

Daddy beat me to the phone. It was Lilly's mom at the hospital. Lilly's eyes had opened.

A/N: This is very unlike me. First of all, I haven't written any fan fiction at all in two years. Second of all, I usually prefer to write slash. And third of all, if you had told me three weeks ago I would care one way or another about Hannah Montana I would have thought you were kidding. This came on very, very suddenly. If you liked it, let me know, and I'll keep it going as long as I have a good combination of feedback and initiative.


	2. Without Him

Miley Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

It was sad to look at her at first. She was pale, gaunt. She was barely the girl I knew before. Her eyes were slits. It was obvious she was having trouble keeping her head up. She was talking, but it was hard to make out what she was saying. Sometimes she said things that you could hear, but they made no sense.

"I just can't do it," I told her.

"Yes you can!" she replied. "Miley! You're smart, you're funny, and you're totally cute."

"The food here is delicious. Try some of this chocolate cake," she said, before her eyes were closed again. I was pretty sure she hadn't eaten anything willingly since she got here, but I didn't say anything.

Oliver patted her hand. "Yeah, Lilly. You always know where we should go. Do you feel okay?" he asked, trying to communicate with her through her haze.

"I feel-" her voice went out. I don't think she realized she wasn't still talking, because then she said, "but I'm okay. Bunch of vines on my arms. Feels weird."

"Don't pull on them," he told her, "Don't bother with them, they're alright where they are. You just rest."

He looked at me. I wish he hadn't, because then I felt like I needed to say something.

"I'm here too, Lil. We're all here, and we're all happy to see you awake," I told her.

"Been while, Miley," she whispered, "What happened?"

"We don't know," I said. "You haven't told us yet."

"Oh," she said. I could tell she was getting more lucid. I thought about leaving. God knows, I don't want to hear her cover for him.

* * *

Lilly Truscott, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

When she told me they were glad to see me awake, I knew I was in the hospital. Once I figured that out, I knew why.

He'd been drinking a lot, and so had I, and I made some offhand remark he hadn't liked. We were on the boardwalk, and there was an escalator for the tourists. I guess he pushed me too hard that time.

I fell. I don't think I've ever fallen that far before. I'm not sure if it hurt, I can't remember much about it. Just falling. And that's all I remember.

"I fell," I said, and then, as the air started coming back to me, "down an escalator."

"Yeah," said Miley. "Do you remember anything else?"

"I must have been drunk. I think I tripped," I said. I could tell from the face she was making that she didn't believe me, but I didn't care.

Oliver started, "Lilly, you don't think anybody-"

"I tripped," I said again. He wouldn't understand. I'm sure he would try, but only after Ripper was in prison. Oliver didn't care about how I felt about Ripper. He's probably still jealous about the way I left him. It makes me feel like an awful person to remember.

I broke his heart. I wish I had broken up with him before I met Ripper. Then he wouldn't act like it's Ripper's fault we didn't work.

He didn't mean to push me down the escalator. I was stupid for saying something mean, and he was just defending himself. It wasn't his fault I was in the hospital.

Oliver wouldn't understand that. Miley might have, but I doubted even that. She's just bitter I don't spend time with her now that I have my own friends.

But it was sweet of them to come see me. I didn't know they still cared about me. I'd been dodging them a little, but I had to. Ripper said they were too straight laced, that they'd get us into trouble. I thought he was paranoid, but he's in charge. He has to be for our relationship to work. I belonged to him. I had to so he could belong to me. I don't know what I would do without him.

I wondered what Jackson was doing in my hospital room. He was holding a ridiculous looking bear like it was a life preserver. I figured he'd never seen a sick person before.

I was sure poor Oliver never thought about another girl since I left. He was staring at me in my hospital head with the saddest look in his eyes.

"Don't worry, Oliver, I'll get better," I promised with a wink.

* * *

Oliver Oken, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

Looking at her made me sick, especially when she winked her bloodshot eye at me like she was happy.

I stole a glance at Miley, who looked just as horrified.

"Well, Lilly, we'll let you rest. My mom is outside; she'd like to talk to you about what happened. I'm sure it's just routine stuff, don't worry about it," I told her. She still looked scared. I couldn't decide if this was because she wasn't clean or because she didn't want to turn her boyfriend in. I felt bad for her, but at the same time, it wasn't my problem. My problem was that I didn't want to leave her. I was worried he'd come to her room.

I had a baseball bat in my backpack. My plan was to sit in the lobby and wait for him.

Miley didn't like it. She told me I should leave that to the police. I couldn't do that. Lilly was my oldest friend, and if somebody was taking shots at her, by God, I'd be taking shots right back.

I was surprised when Jackson told me he'd sit with me in the waiting room. I was even more surprised when he showed me his brass knuckles.

Then Miley found out, and of course she told her father. He told us we could wait in the lobby, but he took Jackson's brass knuckles with him when he dropped Miley and me off at the hospital.

He didn't know about the bat, and neither did Miley. I was hoping she wouldn't find out.

She was staying with us. She thought she could stop us if things got bad. Maybe she could have. I wouldn't have been able to keep her from holding me back. That would require pushing her away from me. For one thing, I would never push her. For another, I think if she ever wrapped her arms around me tight and told me to do something, I would do it.

I felt better for staying, even though he never showed. She was safe for the night.

Miley slept peacefully sprawled across the little connected chairs beside me. I brushed her hair out of her face so I could see her better.

She was beautiful. Tired and worried, but still beautiful. I wondered how it had ever come to this, how Lilly would rather be hanging out with a bunch of stoners and jerks than her best friend. Lilly couldn't possibly see the same Miley I saw.

I saw my mother as she was leaving, and I tried to flag her down.

"What did she say?" I whispered.

"Nothing we can use," she replied, slightly louder and more menacing than I, but with a certain amount of respect for the sleeper.

"Were there any witnesses?" I asked, hopefully.

She shook her head. "The only people who were close enough to get a good look were her 'friends.' They're not talking," she replied.

"She looks bad," I said, stating the obvious to get her to keep talking.

"You haven't seen her legs," my mother said, sounding tired.

I gaped. "What's wrong with her legs?" I demanded. I thought back to the times I'd been in her room. Her legs had been covered by her sheet both times.

"She fell down an escalator, boy. Do the math," she said snidely.

My eyes watered. "Will she be able to walk? Is she paralyzed?"

"Well, there is some good news," my mother said. "The good news is, the doctors don't see any reason why she won't be on her feet again in no time."

'What's the bad news?' I thought, knowing the routine. I didn't have to ask.

"The bad news is," my mother said, looking down, "Nobody's going to want to watch. That girl is never going to be able to wear a skirt and feel pretty again. She's lucky it's not her face."

"Oh, God!" I wailed, forgetting the sleeping Miley for a moment. "Oh, God, no!" The tears came down in earnest. "Why Lilly?" I asked the tiles on the ceiling.

My mother just shook her head and walked away. She was still on duty.

Miley, on the other hand, was up and beside me before I'd even realized she was awake.

"I heard everything," she told me, "I was pretending. I didn't think she'd tell you if I were there."

She wrapped her arms around me and just held me for a while, before saying, "She'll be fine. She can walk, she'll make it."

"Miley," I rasped, my mouth hot and dry, "Does she even know yet? How much morphine do you think they gave her?"

"Probably not," she told me, still holding my head to her shoulder. "She didn't seem to know what world she was in."

It was about an hour later we heard the screaming.

* * *

Jackson Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

I wasn't asleep. I was very, very awake. I'd chosen another part of the waiting room for my sentry duty. I may have been far off from Oliver and his momma, but that doesn't mean I missed one word. Nah, I was sitting there taking it all in, all the while getting angrier.

'Imma kill him,' I thought, my foot jumping. 'Imma kill him, and I'm not even going to try to make it look like an accident. The only accident here is him ever messing with my- friend.'

I thought about ways I could do it. I could drive over him with my car a few times. I could beat him to death with Oliver's baseball bat. I could poison him, but that wouldn't give me the satisfaction of hearing his bones pop. I thought about kidnapping him and torturing him for days.

And then I heard her screaming, and I wanted to get up and run to her, but I knew I wasn't the one she wanted to see.

A pair of nurses walked briskly to her room. I wasn't sure what they were going to do, but I suspected they were going to give her a tranquilizer or something. People aren't allowed to scream in hospitals.

I looked over at my sister, still holding Oken, who was bawling his eyes out.

She looked at me, and I was sure she understood. The pain on her face reminded me of how I felt. I marveled at how strong she was that she wasn't falling apart right with him, and then I realized she was probably just like me. She was probably focused on her anger too.

* * *

Miley Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

I was angry, but there was another part of me that was even angrier. Mostly, I'm just a girl, just like anyone else my age.

But, there was part of me who was powerful. That part of me was trying to take over. She was planning. She could hire someone to take care of this. Nobody would suspect a thing. All he would have to do was die a slow, miserable death, and that would be enough.

I reined her in. I needed to stay rational. I couldn't do something that horrible, and I wouldn't let her do it for me.

No, I stay focused on the big picture. There were people who needed me to be brave for them. If I let myself cry, Oliver would feel worse. Lilly wouldn't feel right if her legs made me cry. She'd think she was disgusting to me. I didn't want her to know how scared I was for her. I wanted to give her optimism that it wasn't so bad so she could get through it.

I wasn't sure why Jackson was watching us that way. I wondered why he was even there. Lilly never liked him, and he always acted like he didn't care for her either. Maybe he thought I needed my big brother to comfort me. I almost laughed at that thought.

No, he had to be there for some selfish reason. That was just what he was like. I'd stopped being ashamed of him for it, he was my brother, and I had to love him anyway. That's what I told Daddy, and I was all for sticking to my story.

Still, he looked so angry. I thought maybe he didn't like me being so close to Oliver, and then I realized he wasn't really looking at us anymore.

I'd had a dream that my brother and my sister decided to go on a date. It was laughable then. It was more laughable now.

Still, he was there, and clearly riled.

The screaming stopped, and then the nurses walked through again coming from her room. Shrugging Oliver off, I got up to go to her, but one of the nurses shook his head at me.

"No visitors for now," he said.

I started to ask a question- any question at all, but he cut me off.

"We can't share any information with you at this time. If her mother wants to notify you of something, she will," he said, walking away.

I sat down again, and Oliver draped himself around me, still sniffling.

So, even though we could guess what was going on in her room, we had to go without knowing anything for sure, at least for the night.


	3. Without Hope

Oliver Oken, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

I had a very hard time calming down. By the time I did, I was so, so tired. Miley seemed so strong. I wished I could borrow her strength for the night, if only just enough to stay awake.

Instead, I fell asleep with me head on her shoulder. My sleep was surprisingly peaceful. I didn't once think of Lilly's ruined legs, or Ripper's sickening smell, or Jackson's angry face.

I dreamt only of Miley. We were on the beach, joking and laughing and drinking things that had tiny umbrellas propped in them. Miley giggled and reached for my hand, and I happily gave it to her. We just sat and talked and enjoyed the beautiful day. She smiled at me, and I felt like she was really looking at me. And that was all. It was just a beautiful day in a beautiful life, completely free of any of the things we'd worried about.

I didn't have to be kissing her for her to make me happy. All she needed to do was smile the way only she could seem to do, and I was completely at peace.

Sometime in the night, one of us or the other moved me. My head was rested in her lap facing the door when I woke up. She had her hand on my shoulder. I doubted she'd slept at all.

She seemed to know the instant my eyes opened, because she looked down at me.

"Hey," she said, "Do you want to go get some breakfast with me?"

I wasn't hungry, but I knew I had to keep my blood sugar in check, so I said, "Sure."

I sat up and yawned. I still felt tired. I wanted to go back to the beach dream, but it was long gone. Miley was not smiling, and seeing this, I could not abandon her in favor of my own selfish dreaming.

We sat at the table and ate. I had a bowl of cereal, a piece of toast with peanut butter, and an apple. I guess I was hungrier than I thought.

Miley had some bacon and eggs and a piece of toast with blueberry jam. I know, because we had to tell the cafeteria ladies our orders one at a time, and that's what she said. Maybe I listen to her too hard. Is that creepy?

* * *

Miley Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

Oliver slept all through the night, and I was glad of it. I'm not sure what I would have done if he'd kept crying.

His spirits improved after he dozed off. Some of the paleness went away. I watched his face change for a while before I was reminded what I was there to do. I wanted to stay near Lilly in case she needed me, or in case that monster came to get her. I kept a watchful eye for hours.

It felt like forever before the sun started to show through the windows.

Jackson was still awake too. He'd been back and forth to the vending machines several times during the night. I didn't blame him. At least it was something to do.

As it was, all I could do was watch Oliver sleep, which was becoming bizarrely interesting. He seemed to be developing a light blush. I wasn't sure how he managed it, but he seemed to be in a much more pleasant place than he had been during the time he was awake.

I wondered if he was comfortable with his neck in that position, and having decided he couldn't be, guided his body into a more natural sleeping position. The small amount of furniture on which he could sprawl left him with his head in my lap and his legs dangling off the makeshift bed at his knees.

At least one thing went alright that night. Oliver was happy for a little while.

After breakfast, the two of us went back to the lobby. Jackson was still there. I was surprised he hadn't driven home hours ago, but I decided it was better that he did stay. That gave Oliver and I some relief on our antiRipper duty. I'm not sure I would have been up to going to breakfast without knowing he was there to deter unwanted guests.

We talked about what to do next for a moment before we all agreed we should go and check on Lilly. Even having had the words come out of my own mouth, "We need to be there for her," I was hesitant. I knew there was nothing I could do that would make her feel better, but I also hoped that she wanted me to stay.

I knocked on the door to her room, and she called out, "Come in."

* * *

Jackson Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

The three of us went back to see her the next day. I wasn't sure I trusted myself to speak, so I let Miley do my talking for me.

"How are you feeling today?" Miley asked.

"Clumsy," Lilly said, laughing in a way that seemed very fake. "But other than that I'm fine. I should be out in a day or to. I feel like I could go home today."

"Are you sure?" Oliver asked.

And I agreed with his skepticism. If anything, she looked worse than the night before. Her eyes had deep dark shadows under them, and she seemed very nervous.

"Oh, yes," Lilly said, "I feel as good as new. I'm not sure I needed to come to the hospital in the first place, but you know how my mother is. Melodramatic!"

"Where is she?" I asked, noticing she was gone.

"I asked her to leave me alone for a while! It was all, 'Lilly, do right!' 'Lilly, look at yourself!' She doesn't seem to care that I'm fine."

"Lilly," Oliver said, "Are you sure there isn't something you want to tell us?"

"Absolutely," she said, not looking so sure.

"So, what do you want to do when you get out of here, Lilly?" Miley asked, cheerfully.

Lilly looked angry. "You think I'm dumb, don't you? You're trying to get me to talk to you about things I don't want to talk about. You think you can trick me into telling you things I don't want you to know," she said, seething. "Well, I got news for you, Miley Stewart, you're not as smooth as you think you are. I'm not telling you anything."

"Lilly," Oliver said, "Don't you see? We're your friends. We don't want to trap you. We want to help you."

"Help me do what?" she exclaimed, "I'm fine! I'm fine!" And then she started crying. I'd had enough.

"We trust you," I told her, "with everything. You know things about my family that most people would have exploited by now. But not you! You're a good, trustworthy person. Don't you think we're trustworthy too?"

"Well, I-" she stammered, "It's just-"

"I understand how you feel," Oliver interrupted. "When I love someone, I would do anything for them, no matter how hard it is for me. You think you need to keep him safe. I understand that, but I love you like a sister and I want to keep you safe. Tell me what I can do to help you, and I'll do it."

"Help me?" she asked, laughing hysterically, "There's nothing anybody could do to save me. Not unless you know a plastic surgeon who's good at miracle treatments." She pulled her sheet aside, and beneath it-

Beneath it were her legs, which were bandaged from the center of her foot to the middle of her thigh, where her hospital gown cut off. I imagined the bandages went up higher. It looked like the parts of her that had been damaged were all on the front side of her body, because the bandages stopped in the middle of the side of each leg.

I couldn't look. It was too awful, so I looked at her upper half instead. That's when I saw the marks on the backs of her arms. They weren't anywhere near as bad as the ones on the front of her legs, but I was sure some of them would scar.

It was just too much. I walked as fast as I could out of her room and just held onto the back of a chair as tight as I could.

There were too many emotions in my mind. Anger. Pity. Disgust. Sadness.

The hateful voice in my mind came back in force, and again I was thinking of horrible ways to rip the Ripper.

* * *

Oliver Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

"Oh, Lilly," I said, scarcely able to breathe, "Lilly, please. Tell us what really happened."

"I already told you," she said, scolding me, "I fell down an escalator."

"But you didn't just trip. Surely you didn't," I said.

"I did," she said, "I'd been drinking a little, and I guess my feet just went out from under me."

"It's not that I don't believe you-"I started, but Miley interrupted me.

"Lilly's had a hard couple of days," Miley said, "You can't expect her to remember everything. She said herself she was drunk when the accident happened, and she did hit her head. Was that at the top of the escalator or the bottom, Lilly?"

Lilly blanched. "I- I'm not sure. I think I hit it when I first tripped, you know, on the handrail. After that, I was unconscious."

"Huh," Miley said, "And you don't remember falling?"

"Not at all," Lilly replied.

"I guess that's better," Miley said, "Since you don't remember the pain as much."

"Yeah," said Lilly.

"I bet Ripper's really worried about you," Miley said, and then I understood her gamble.

Unfortunately, Lilly did too. "Miley, you're doing it again. Why do my friends feel like they have to interrogate me? After I've been such a good friend to you! Jackson said himself I'm trustworthy. Why don't you believe me?"

I tried to bring things back around. "We love you Lilly-"

But she refused to hear anymore. "You guys can come back when you feel like you can trust me."

"No," Miley said, "Because we're not leaving. If you want to believe he's a good guy, that's okay. We're not going to agree with you, but we're not going to abandon you either. If he makes you happy, that's fine, but don't you think I'll just forget this. I know the truth, Lilly Truscott, and I don't like it."

Lilly gasped. "What did you just say to me?" she asked.

"I said I ain't leaving," Miley said.

"Neither am I," I added.

"And I'm with them," Jackson said from the doorframe. I'd forgotten he'd even been here.

Lilly closed her eyes in frustration. "Maybe you're going to be here, but one day you're going to look around and find I'm not," she warned.

"Maybe so," Miley said, "But I'll never be far behind you."

I just looked at Lilly for a while. She looked the worst she'd ever looked in her life, but if I had to describe her facial expression in one word, I'd go with 'determined.'

"Whatever, Miley," Lilly said, "If you want to make me miserable, go ahead."

"I don't care if you're miserable, as long as you're miserable alive and next to me," Miley said.

"What're friends for?" Lilly said, sarcastically. "With friends like you guys, who needs parole officers?"

Lilly's mother came back in at this point.

"Oh, good, you're still here. Maybe you can talk some sense into this stubborn girl," she said.

"They've already tried, and I'm not talking. You can forget it," Lilly said.

"Suit yourself," her mother said. "Miley, would you like to step outside with me?"

* * *

Miley Stewart, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

She took me outside, which left Lilly with the boys. I felt okay with that. Neither of them had said anything stupid yet.

"Miley," Lilly's mother said, "thank you for coming. I think Lilly's starting to come around. I hadn't even been able to get her to confess there was something to confess. You're better at getting her to tell you things than I am."

"I just want everything to be okay," I said.

Lilly's mother sighed, then told me, "I think so far, everything looks like it might work out. Well, it'll be hard, but the good news is, she's been in the hospital for two days, and so far, he's a no show."

I felt an enormous sense of relief. "So he hasn't tried to come see her? Do you know if he's called?"

"I know for a fact he hasn't, not on her phone, the hospital phone, or even our home phone. It's like he dropped off the face of the earth," she said, looking almost happy.

"He hasn't," I said. "I know he'll be back. He thinks he owns her."

"Well, what can we do?" she asked. "I'm enrolling her in a two week drug rehabilitation retreat. That's not nearly long enough to get her past anything, but I know her, and I don't think I can count on her staying longer than that. Afterwards-"

"Afterwards, she'll come stay with me," I said. "Daddy has a really good security system. Ripper doesn't know where I live, and he sure don't know to look for Lilly there. She's comfortable there, it's familiar. We can keep her safe. And she can get whatever care she needs right her in Malibu."

"That's too much for me to ask of you!" Lilly's mom said, her voice wavering.

"It ain't nothing. She's Lilly, I wouldn't let her stay anywhere else," I reassured her.

She considered it for a moment, "Well, I guess it couldn't hurt. She really needs to be with other people her age who don't do-" she struggled with words for a moment before settling on, "certain things."

"We'll make sure she can't get anything she shouldn't," I said. "She's just going to have to quit."

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who has read so far, especially those who have left a review. I'd also like to give a shout out to those of you who are reading this abroad. I always like to see which countries people are reading my work in. I'm new to "Hannah Montana" fan fiction, so I really appreciate feedback. I've made it my goal for the summer to write at least five pages of something every day. I'm not sure if it'll always be this, but I'll keep working on it as long as I feel like people (this includes me) are interested. I also do some writing with the hopes of one day doing this professionally, but I figure, as long as I'm working on something, I'm building good work habits for myself. Keep on leaving me feedback, I like to know what you think!


	4. Without Love

Oliver Oken, Malibu Hospital of Our Lady

We were leaving. Lilly had already been wheeled away, off to the rehab center, but something kept us by the door.

Lilly was going to be gone for two weeks, and I was kind of happy about it. She needed to go to rehab, and we needed a break. Miley and I had barely left the hospital in days.

"So," I said, awkwardly, "What're you doing later?"

"I don't know," she said, looking away. "It doesn't feel right to have fun without her."

"Doesn't Hannah have a concert soon?" I asked.

"I've canceled everything," she said, surprising me. "Hannah is taking a break until Lilly's better."

"But Miley! What about the fans? What about all the people who really want to see her?" I asked.

"Nothing's more important than being with Lilly," Miley said.

I shrugged, and then I realized what we were in for. "How long do you think it'll be?" I wondered aloud.

"Maybe a really long time," she said, voicing my fears.

"You know what I think we need," I said, trying to cheer her up, "is to go to the beach. Our nachos are probably lonely for us."

I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away, saying, "You go ahead. I need to get some sleep."

"I want to be there for you, Miley," I confessed. "I want to be the one who tells you everything is going to get better. But instead, you're the one who's always there for me. Let me help you."

She gave me a weak grin, and then the most bizarre, wonderful thing happened. She reached for my hand, and I let her hold it.

"You want me to go to the beach with you?" she asked me.

"If you don't want to, that's okay," I offered.

"I need sleep," she said. I felt disappointed. Then she added, "But I think I need you just as much. If you want, I could take my nap on the beach. With you."

I felt very strange. My throat constricted, my breath came more difficultly, but I managed, "We could sit on the not-so-touristy side in folding chairs."

"Yeah," she said, "I know a spot not far from home."

"I think we could walk to your house from here to pick up the chairs," I said, looking out the window.

"Yeah," she said, looking down the hall, the way Lilly had gone.

* * *

Miley Stewart, Malibu beach

We came here because it was quiet and there weren't many people around. We set up our chairs just as Oliver suggested.

It wasn't as comfortable as my bed, but I would never have gotten away with letting Oliver watch over me while I slept at home. Daddy and Jackson would not have liked that. I felt like doing this would make Oliver feel useful. And, yeah, I was feeling clingy.

God help me, I was afraid I'd lose him, too. I wanted him near me, I wanted to be able to reach out and keep him out of trouble.

That was when I realized things had changed between us, and that made it impossible for me to sleep.

I looked over at him, and when our eyes met, I felt a little shock. I wondered if I was really looking at Oliver. Boring old every day Oliver. Boring old every day Oliver, who was funny and sweet and suddenly very attractive.

'No, no, no,' I thought. I liked Jake. Or that guy from school. What was his name? I couldn't remember.

This was the wrong time to fall in love with my best friend. I needed him, and he needed me, and he did not need me thinking about him in any but the usual light. And what about Lilly? He was her ex boyfriend, maybe they still loved each other. I wondered if his love could bring her back around, if that would be enough to make her come back to the real world.

We were still staring at each other. I broke eye contact and looked out over the water. The look on his face worried me. How could he possibly rescue Lilly if he was looking at me like that?

The answer was that he couldn't. I wasn't sure if he loved me, but there was something happening there, and it bothered me as much as it made me happy. Problem was, it made me really, really happy. I wasn't sure how he felt, but if his expression meant what it looked like it meant, we were in trouble, I could tell.

We couldn't be together. If we were, where would that leave Lilly? She'd be the third wheel, just like I was when they were together. That didn't make me feel good. And she was so fragile! I couldn't let her feel bad. No, nothing could come of this. I resolved right then that Oliver and I could never, ever be together.

That made my stomach hurt. I'd only realized it an instant ago, but I wanted to be with him so much.

I remembered the time a few days ago when he'd been sleeping so near me, and his face was so relaxed and serene. I wished I could make him feel like that all the time.

But now I had to keep things neutral. I couldn't pull him to me and hold him the way I desperately wanted to, and I couldn't push him away. Either way, I'd lose him. So instead of addressing the problem directly, I had to pretend everything was the same, which was the hardest thing I could think of outside of kicking him in the shins and running away.

I considered the shin kicking method only briefly, and stuck with the second hardest option. I was going to have to be nonchalant. I was going to need to be covert about what I knew. I was going to have to be someone other than me. So, I used the only weapon I had at my disposal.

"Oliver, could you move your chair out of my light?" asked the other, stronger me. She clarified, "I may as well tan if I'm going to be out here anyway."

"Sure, Miley," he said with a hurt expression. I don't think he realized I could switch over on him the same way I do with people who don't know the secret. I don't think he knew how much easier it made things when I did. I let her have command, and she ran things smoothly.

I noticed how much control she'd had recently over me. The puppet holds the strings to the puppeteer. 'Will I become her, if I let her out too long?' I wondered. I hoped not. Sometimes she frightened me.

I closed my eyes, and pretended to sleep. I did more pretending than sleeping that week. Soon, I could hear him snoring from my shadow. I opened my eyes and watched him.

'You can look,' I told myself, 'but you can't touch.'

* * *

Jackson Stewart, The Stewart House

It was dark outside, but Miley hadn't come home yet. I wasn't worried, Oliver was with her when I left them. Well, I was worried, but not about today. I was worried about my little sister's future, don't get me wrong. I want her to have a good life, and a long one.

What're the odds she'll end up with a man like Lilly's? I heard somebody on campus say one in three girls will be abused. Was she in the same three Lilly was? Did statistics work that way? I doubted that.

So, I was worried about Miley. That didn't mean I'd stopped worrying about Lilly. I'd heard all sorts of things about drug rehab centers, and a lot of them weren't good. She'd be surrounded by other people just like her. I wondered if that would help her or hurt her.

I'm not usually a cussing man, but I felt a string coming on that would make my cousin in the Navvy wash my mouth out with soap.

"Damn," I said.

"I hear ya'," my father said from behind me. I hadn't known he was there, and if I had known, that would not be the reaction I would have expected.

"Sorry, Dad," I said, "I'm just frustraited about Lilly. Worried about Miley. Wondering when Ripper's going to come tearing around looking for things we can't let him find."

"Yeah, I got a list of things I'm not liking too," he said.

"Nothing we can do, right?" I asked.

"That's right. Sorry to say it, but we're just waiting now," Dad replied.

"Just making sure," I joked weakly.

He shook his head and told me, "I know you'd rather be doing something more active. I know I would. But let's face facts, Son. If it's you against some experienced street thug, you're not the man with the odds in his favor. You might be able to beat him in a battle of wits," he paused, before adding, "maybe. But that boy's got an edge of savvy on him. Now, when it was you and Oliver, it was a little bit different. Not by much, 'cause let's face it, old Ollie ain't much of a hero either, but two against one helps things."

"So, posse?" I asked, without much hope he'd go along with this.

"Nope. What we need, my boy, is a trap," he said, matter-of-factually.

"Wait, you're going along with this?" I said, shocked.

He laughed at me. "Look at it this way," he said, "She's coming to stay in our home. We've got to have some plan devised to keep her safe, in case he finds out where she is. Now, mind, we're only doing this if she wants to be safe. If she don't, we'll drop her off down there ourselves. We can't keep her prisoner here."

"One question," I started, confused, "How'd you know I wanted to hurt him?"

"Now, Son," he said, taking my shoulders under one arm, "I've seen you looking at that girl, and I've got to say, you're a lot of things. Crafty ain't one of them."

* * *

Oliver Oken, Malibu beach

When I woke up, it was dark. Miley was still there. I'm not sure why that surprised me. She seemed cold earlier, like she was upset with me about something. I wasn't sure what I'd done, exactly. It had something to do with the way she was looking at me.

I couldn't help but ask myself if she'd seen something in my eyes that would make her think I- Well, if she had, she was right. It had to happen sometime, she was my best friend. I couldn't keep secrets from her, especially secrets about something that big.

I was in love with her, and she'd figured it out. There were only two ways things could go, and they were totally opposite extremes. She could either share my feelings or reject them.

It looked like the option she'd chosen wasn't the one I wanted, but I would have to live with that. Could I do it? Could I be so close to her without being with her?

I would have to try my best. There was no abandoning her, I was sure of that much. She needed me, and Lilly needed me. We were a trio, just like Harry, Ron, and Hermione, only without all the cool magic and owls and stuff. Only Ron ended up with Hermione.

Was Miley our Harry? She was famous after all. Did that make me Hermione? I hoped not, I didn't want to end up with Lilly, who would then be Ron by default. Not that she wasn't a great friend, but after we'd been actually tried each other on, well, it hadn't worked out, and I wasn't into trying again. Maybe it wasn't a perfect metaphor.

The stars were out. I tried to focus on them instead of the resting star beside me. I saw shapes, but none of them were constellations. I wasn't sure what to look for in that area, so I made my own and gave them names like, "the big crabby thing," and "the one that looks vaguely like a fish." Maybe the beach made me think of nautical things.

"You awake Oliver?" her voice asked me. I didn't look at her, I was afraid to in light of how things went earlier. Or maybe I was taking it too seriously?

"Yeah," I said, "Just star gazing."

"I can see that," she said, sitting up, "I should be headed home, Daddy might be worried."

"Yeah," I said again, running out of things to say.

"Do you want to walk me, or do you think your mom needs you back too?" Miley asked me, her voice betraying some conflict inside her.

"I'll take you by your place on my way home, It's not like it's out of my way," I said. I wondered if the stars were bright enough for her to see me smiling. I kind of hoped not.

She shivered. It didn't get cold much in Malibu, but sometimes, after dark, it got a little chilly.

I was wearing two layers. I had a button up on over a white t-shirt. I took the first layer off and handed it to her.

Soundlessly, she slid her arms into the sleeves. It was very loose on her, but she'd never been cuter than she was in this low light.

I took a risk and wrapped one arm around her as we walked, under the guise of comforting her worries about Lilly. "Don't worry," I said, "She's going to be fine, and then everything will be just like it was. The three of us will be having pina coladas by a pool somewhere next month."

She blanched. "I hope not," she said.

And then I realized Lilly would have to wear a bating suit, which made me feel a little ill too.

"We're just going to have to get use to that part," I told her.

"We have too much to get use to," she said after a while.

We walked the rest of the way without saying anything at all.


End file.
